K's Triumphant Return to Spain

So hey, I know. It's been a while. Lo siento. And while I'm sure if you're a true devoted reader, you neither need nor want excuses explaining my blogging absence. But here they come any way.

First off, towards the end of March my compy died. Moment of silence, please. So I schlepped my broke ass to the nearest Apple story (an hour bus ride away) to price out a new computer here in Spain. Holy import fees Batman! By no means cheap in the US, Macs here in Spain sport a pricetag close to 2000...EUROS! So I was left without technology for almost two agonizing months. And if you think going without my blog posts was rough, imagine how my poor parents felt with their eldest an ocean away and unable to reassure them on a daily basis via facebook updates that she was alive. But then at the end of May I was led out of internetless desert by one Jenie Gao, when she was kind enough to bring me over a new computer from the homeland. (If you'd like to know more about this angel of mercy, I highly advice checking out her blog. Girl's got the art thing down.)

So I sat down with my new shiny MacBookPro and attempted to actually type the several blog posts I'd been composing in mind for several weeks. At which point I realized my mind is not the steel trap I'd always hoped. And without the slightest hint of guilt I said to myself, well I'll just do it mañana.

But then I was off to a rural camp for summer work. And then I was cruising the Mediterranean with my fabulous mama. And then I was home, on the couch, and just couldn't be bother. And that's when it hit me: I'd contracted my least favorite part of Spain, the Mañana Bug.

But now I'm back in Spain and without further ado, a post...

The Mañana Bug is a cultural phenomenon here in Spain that seems to drive all foreigners crazy. It's when you set out to something, be it simple or of weighty importance, and are told "vuelve mañana."

There are a million reasons you might get this response, ranging from technical difficulties, to an error in your paperwork, to the fact that tomorrow simply seems like a better time to the other party.

This is best perhaps explained with an anecdote. I offer to you now the story of how I opened my first Spanish bank account...over the course of three weeks.

Attempt 1: Along with my other rooms, one of which was Spanish, and 2 of which were American, went to the bank to open accounts. After weighting in line for a while, we went to a banker and told her what we needed. She immediately asked for some documentation that only I had in hand. Instead of opening my account and the others later, she told us all to come back mañana.

Attempt 2: So we did. But after speaking to another lady she told us that we needed another form, a green one. But then proceeded to hand us a yellow one.

Attempt 3: So I went back, this time by myself, with all my ducks, hopefully in a row. And as luck would have it I did! But their computers were down.

Now I want you to keep in mind that at this time I was working from 8 till about 3 and that the banks are open from 8:30 to 2:30 most days, therefore finding time to do all this was nigh impossible. So finally on my next day off I decided that this was a numbers game more than anything else and would journey to as many banks as possible until one decided to take my freaking money. Three banks later I finally opened an account. Once all the papers were signed, I let out a sigh of relief, and then told the man that I'd also like to open a second account that I could put my roommates on and that we could use to pay our apartment bills. "Of course!" he said, "but...vuelve mañana."

While we're on the subject, it might also interest you to hear about a corollary to The Mañana Bug: The Spanish No. This is when you have a seemingly simple request, but through some Iberian logic "esto no es posible." For instance asking for salsa brava sauce for your french fries, but being told no because that sauce is only for another for potatoes cut and fried in wedges, not in rectangles. Or asking for a document to be scanned at store whose job it is to scan, print, and copy, and being told no because the scanner is turned off, functional, but turned off.

There's just no need and no rush apparently to do anything in this country. And for no other reason than that, my dears, I just kept putting off blog entries hasta mañana.

K Learns Spanish: Lesson 15

un rato- a little while, as in we'll have it in un rato.

maleta- suitcase

un reto- a challenge, as in it's un reto to get something accomplished without someone telling you despues de un rato. 

Carnaval- A trip down into the rabbit hole.

Thanks to a bunch of plastic beads, Mardi Gras is known world-wide as the king of pre-Lenten festivals. But it's Latin cousin, Carnaval is also pretty sweet. Here in Spain each city has it's own unique festivities during the week before Ash Wednesday: parades, competitions, and of course parties in the streets. And all though it's really something you need to live through to understand, I'll try to paint a pretty word picture of the experience.

Costumes
One of the most well-known and important aspects of Carnaval is the costumes. While dressing up for Halloween is not such a big deal here in Spain, it's almost required for Carnaval. Some people just don pretty sequined and be-feathered masks, while others choose full body costumes.

Men dressed in white suits and black hats. With the tags still attached so they could return them.

sidenote: Apparently it is not mandatory to constantly wear your mask. There were quite a few times people (i.e. drunk boys) would ask me to take off my mask to see my face. I would say I couldn't. They would ask why. I would say because it was Carnaval. They would find this hilarious.

What's interesting is that most people dress-up in groups as a theme. Now while me and four other friends did dress up as the Spice Girls one Halloween, we never all dressed up (purposely) in the exact same costume. My current theory behind the collectivist costumes is that in a street filled with thousands of people it's much easier to keep track of all of your friends if they are all dressed as say, Santa Claus or inmates.

Parades
In the States parades tend to have this whimsical air to them: jolly balloons, people tossing candy from tissue covered floats, and smiling girls dancing to peppy marching band songs. In Madrid, the Carnaval parade had a slightly darker feel to it.

There's fire.

Giant creepy-ass puppets that lunge at the crowds.

Indecernible mythical creatures.

These guys.

And walking needles.

But the kids all love it.

Parties
One of the best Carnaval street parties happens in Cadiz, a town on a peninsula on the southwest coast. Before I arrived in Cadiz I was a little worried about what I'd find there, or more accurately not find. I'd tried researching what part of the city the party happened in, what time it started, if it actually went all night, etc. But I couldn't find a single website (although did google managed to turn up an itinerary from the 2010 festivities). So me and my friends just showed up and followed a group (dressed as Oreos) we hoped would lead us to the party.

We quickly found the people of Cadiz incredibly nice and welcoming. Everyone was more than happy to let a group of lost English speakers tag along as they walked, talked, and partied in the streets.

Us: Perdon, donde esta la fiesta?
Them: Por las calles. (in the streets)
Us: Si, pero donde?
Them: Vale, ven con nostros.

Rinse with wine and repeat till sunset.

K Learns Spanish: Lesson 14

mascara- mask

botellón- to drink in the street.

sidenote: it saddens me that Americans do not have a word for this concept.

merecer- to deserve

Te quiero mas que Taco Bell.

It's Valentine's my dears and surprisingly enough this perpetually single gal isn't hating the holiday this year. I don't know what it is, but talking to adolescents all week about love and hearing their doe-eyed conceptions of it is just to cute to make me all mopey. Love is one of those things that I like to think of as universal. So to see kids in Spain react in similar ways to kids in the USA, it gives me a kinda hope about that crazy little thing that makes the world go round.

This week I showed my older students clips from Valentine's Day. Probably about 70 students saw it and most reacted in very interesting, and similar ways.

First off apparently the best thing you can do for any student anywhere is give them a movie day. No matter the subject matter or language, if the lights go out they're quiet and happy.

Secondly no matter where you go, teenagers have hormones. Big old roaring ones. For those of you that have not seen Valentine's Day two of its stars are Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba. In the first scene of the movie the camera pans across a bed first revealing Ashton and then Jessica. Let me try and recreate the first five minutes of every class I had this week.

Me: Hi everyone. How are you today?
Class: mumble mumble murmur.
Me: This week is Valentine's Day. Who can tell me what Valentine's Day is about?
Class: mumble mumble love mumble.
Me: That's right, it's a celebration of love. So this week we're going to watch a movie-
Class: TOMA!!! VERDAD? PELI SI SI SI SI SI!
(note I did attempt to explain an activity about the movie during this outburst, but no one, not even me heard it.)
Roll Credits. Shot of Ashton
Females in the Class: OYE QUE GUAPO! Es Ashton Kutcher (mispronounced)!
(closest translation: OMG WHAT A HOTTIE! OMG IT'S ASHTON!)
Shot of Jessica Alba
Males in the Class: JODER!
(closest translations: OH SNAP! or DAMN GIRL!)

Side note: This is also evidence of the theory that people find the exotic attractive. While there are plenty of Americans that find Ashton and Jessica to be the epitome of hottness, none of them would say, when asked why do you think they're so attractive, "He/she is soooo American!"

There was also a clear belief in the innocence of love. If you haven't seen the movie there's a brief moment that shows two toddlers kissing. Of course any American woman would see that and gush all over the place. But here in Spain the response is the same. AWWWWWWWW!

Another similarity I found was unrequited love. Anyone that has seen his baby blues knows that Bradley Cooper is one fine piece of booty. Add to that a three piece suit and his character's irresistible charm and it's not surprise that all of my adolescent female students feel in love with him during the course of the movie. Only one heart breaking problem...

*******SPOILER ALERT*******

In Valentine's Day the big twist is that his character is gay. Cry with me and all of my Spanish alumnas now ladies. Seriously, I've never been asked por que?!? so many times in my life.

Speaking of gay, there is a line in the movie where Ashton Kutcher tells his best friend that her former boyfriend was obviously gay because he has a cat named Babs. This inevitably got a laugh from everyone of my students leading me to believe that Barbra Streisand has a huge following in Spain or that that word just elicits giggles from Spaniards. 

Unsurprisingly another similarity I discovered was the males attachment to their own and their sympathy towards others testicles. And further more the females' delight in hearing about said testicles being pulverized.

In the movie, Jennifer Garner discovers that Patrick Dempsey, her boyfriend, is a married man (Why McDreamy why?) After finding out where Dempsey and his wife will be eating their Valentine's dinner, she shows up, pretends to be their waitress and describes the chef special to them: a stinking, lying pig. Prepared by cutting of the testicles, pulverizing them, mixing them with arugula, sage, feta cheese, and shoving them, for lack of a better word, back up the pig's ass. Now I'm not exactly sure what the Spanish word for testicles is, but I'm guessing it's a very similar word. I have never seen so many boys sit so still and scared while so many girls righteously laugh.

And now I'd like to leave you with the cutest salute to love I encountered this week.After watching the movie I asked a group of 13 year olds if they had any questions. One girl asked me if I was in love. I told her that currently, no I was not. So she asked her main teacher, Patricia, if she was in love. The teacher, whose about 59, said yes, she'd been in love with the same man for about 40 years. The students then proceeded to ask the teacher all about her husband, their family, and their life together. Then as the class was leaving, one of my students stopped and said to me, "Don't worry Kristen (mispronounced), one day you'll have a love like Patricia." Too. Cute.


K Learns Spanish: Lesson 13

corazón- heart

cita- date

bombones- chocolates, as in the awesome boxed chocolates that are filled with a variety of loveliness.

flech- arrow

esperar- to hope or to wait.
side note: it's almost poetic that in Spanish these two ideas are the same word.

Feliz Holidays!

I know that the Holiday Season is officially over (que lastima) but with all the hall decking and bell jingling, I completely neglected to post about Christmas and New Years here in Spain. Which means, my lovely readers, that you get the opportunity to relive a little holiday cheer. All bahumbugers feel free to close this post now and go back to playing what ever Facebook-ville game is now popular in the States.

Much like Halloween and Thanksgiving, in the weeks leading up to Christmas all I was required to do was share our traditions via crosswords and Youtube videos. And much like those other festive weeks, I was continually amazed by my students reactions. But since Christmas and New Years are holidays the Spaniards actually celebrate, I also got to discover and even experience many of their traditions. It was a regular cultural gift exchange.

Christmas Lights
As anyone that has seen Christmas Vacation would know, putting up Christmas lights is a big deal back home. And once wondrous light displays began lining the streets of Madrid I assumed that to some extent the practice had made it across the Atlantic.

But then I showed my little children this little video of one of the thousands of homes across the country that sync their lights with music.

Minds. Blown.

I have never seen these students sit up with such attention before.

Every house do this? This is your house? How? HOW? HOW KRISTEN HOW!?!

Um. No sé.


Belénes
As a predominantly Catholic country, los belénes, or Nativity scenes, are a big part of the Spanish holidays. In La Plaza Mayor tons of stalls appear to sell different figures that families use to create elaborate Nativity displays in their homes. This alone did not surprise me. But with separation of church and state drilled into my head since Kindergarden, when I walked into my school and saw one in the center lobby I was shocked. Almost as shocked as my students were to find out that American schools could not allow such decorations.


White Christmas
Growing up in Florida, to me "White Christmas" was nothing more than something you saw in movies or CocaCola commericals. It was something that only happened in the North no matter how many times my sister and I asked Santa for one in the Swampland.

I never considered that a country as far north as Spain would also see this as such a foreign concept. This first sunk in while I was teaching a group of 12 year olds some winter vocabulary. One of the words was icicle, which understandably none of them knew. But after I described what an icicle was and drew one on the board, none of them could tell me the Spanish word for icicle. They understood the concept and told me they'd seen them in movies before, but didn't know the word because they'd never actually had to say it before. So when the teacher told them the word was carámbano, it was the first time several of them had ever heard the word. I guess that's why this is the closest thing Madrid gets to a White Christmas. Well this and Bing Crosby playing in Starbucks:

Wigs
Don't know why but in the weeks before Christmas there are suddenly packs of people in the streets with some of the most outrageous wigs I've ever seen. Children, drunkards, Spanish versions of the Cleaver family, all wear these crazy colorful wigs.

I would have gotten a pic of one of these groups or even asked them what the wigs were about, but honestly these people scared me.


Christmas Trees
While there are Christmas trees in Spain, apparently artificial ones from Los Chinos are preferred by most families. And if you do want a real tree you'll probably be sold a part or branch of a tree rather than a whole one. Which is why my Spanish roommate was shocked when this little homage to Charlie Brown showed up in our living room:

And she almost died when we popped some popcorn and instead of letting her eat it, we handed her a needle and some thread.


New Years Eve
In Madrid, Puerta del Sol is their Time Square. With a giant clock tower in the middle of the plaza, it's the perfect place to countdown to the New Year. Except instead of a ball, Spaniards have grapes. When the clock hits midnight, everyone in Spain eats a grape with each strike; 12 grapes in about 12 seconds. If you're able to do this you'll have good luck during the New Year. The tradition apparently started one year when there was a plentiful grape crop and the government was just handing them out.

After hearing about this tradition, I showed my students a clip of the ball dropping in Time Square. In one class, when everyone in the video started making out at midnight, a little girl raised her hand and asked, "If everyone is kissing how do they eat their grapes?"


Día de los Reyes
With the spread of American culture, Christmas has become more and more important in Spain. But the main holiday for Spaniards is still El Día de los Tres Reyes Magos, or Three Magi Day aka The Epiphany. Celebrated on January 6th, this is the day that kids leave out milk and cookies and hang their stockings...Except they leave water for the Magi's camels and leave out their (very clean) shoes to be filled with gifts.

While I was not in Spain for this day, I did get to try it's traditional dessert: Rascón de Reyes.

Shaped like a huge donut, this cake is similar to our fruitcake, made with pieces of dried and jellied fruit. It's lighter and more delicate than fruitcake and also filled with a creamy icing, so it kicks fruitcake's ass. But as anyone that's actually eaten the fruitcake their great-aunt Tillie sent them knows, that's not hard to do.


K Learns Spanish Lesson 12...Holiday Style

reno- reindeer; as Rudolph and his 8 antlered pals.

peluca- wig

villancicos- carols

carbon- coal

Interesting sidenote: here in Spain children are not as worried about getting coal from Santa because their is a sugary candy version that I hear is quite tasty called carbon dulce. I brought some home for my little cousins; they asked what they'd done wrong.

regalo- gift

uvas- grapes

trineo- sleigh (don't even try explaining how to pronounce this word)