El Arte de Aparcamiento

The first time I saw someone park a car in Madrid it was my elderly landlord. So as he repeatedly hit the bumpers of both the car in front of and behind him with his European-sized SUV, my Florida upbringing and elderly prejudices kicked in. I assumed this was just a consequence of age.

But then I started actually looking at the fine work Madrileños do when parking their cars. Now as someone that has looked many a doubter in the eye and said "Screw you. I will fit my car in that tiny spot," I must say here they have it down to an art form.

Not only do the Spanish fit their cars into the tiniest spaces possible, but they also get liberal, if not creative, in their interpretation of the term "parallel park."

Enjoy these following exhibits of Fine Spanish Parking...

You can't see it from the photo, but this car is equally close to the one behind it.

I like to think that these few are artistic pieces affronting Spanish Society. Of course I'm unsure what it is the pieces are taking on. Perhaps they are speaking (or parking) out against the economic catastrophe created by the government,

or against conformity,

or simple against material excess by refusing to recognize these bricks that are clearly being wasted and taking a perfectly good spot.

And while 3 European cars can fit into a spot built for 1 American car and driver, this car covers 3 regular spots, proving double parking is double the fun.

Now dear readers, I'm about to share with you something I have never told anyone because society has taught me to be ashamed of this particular action. When I was 18, I got my first (of admittedly many) parking tickets. I was running late to work and saw an open spot on a one way street. Now I was coming perpendicular to that street and the spot was on the right hand corner. Although all the other cars were facing the other direction, I took the spot because in my mind I knew I could just back out of the spot returning to the non-one-way street without ever technically be in a traffic lane going the wrong direction. The Stuart Police Department disagreed. Now I know that I was not in the wrong, but rather in the wrong country.

SPD, you can send a written apology and the refund of my $10 fine to my address here in Madrid.

Now I give you the pièce de résistance of the Spanish Parking Art Movement. A parking masterpiece so treasured that when I tried to get a picture of it, a man came out of an alleyway and yelled at me to get away like I'd tried to take a tracing of the Mona Lisa.

Yes ladies and gents, that's car on a stairwell. And don't think that this is a one time thing, I pass this alley everyday and each time there is a different car descending (or sometimes ascending) those escaleras.

K Learns Spanish: Lesson 5

escaleras- stairs

parachoques- bumper. Literally translated as "for crashing" but apparently in everyday use and on the streets it means "love-tapping the crap out of another cars until the allow you to park between them"

topo- mole, of the animal variety.

vampiro- vampire as in "Buffy: La Cazavampiros".