Last week was a banner week for this Americana; I was only pegged as an American twice before speaking a word of English. The first time it happened I was walking down an only mildly touristy street when a Nigerian man (he had to tell me this because I unfortunately can not deftly identify nationalities) tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hello, you are American, no?” When I asked him how he knew, he shrugged his shoulders and said with a questioning tone, “You’re smile. No European smiles like that.” I’m fairly certain I was not smiling while walking and listening to Nirvana on my iPod.
The second time, I was at Cien Montaditos, a restaurant that only requires you say a number to order. I’d like to think that during the course of my Spanish education I learned how to properly pronounce something as fundamental as numbers, but alas, apparently this is not true. The man smiled at me and said, respectfully in Spanish, “Where are you from?”
Clearly I still have more assimilating to do, but nonetheless this is a huge improvement from my first few weeks when people automatically spoke to me in English (which was always worse than my Spanish) or talked loudly and with grandiose gestures, something I thought only Americans were famous for.
Here are some signs I have learned for identifying (or avoiding being identified as) an American.
1) Speaking English- Duh, right? But it’s not just about walking into a grocery store and saying, “Where da ya’ll keep the cheeseburgers?” What I hadn’t realized until recently is that the human ear has evolved to pick out unfamiliar sounds. So even when a group of friends and I are in a crowded plaza speaking (not yelling) English, people are easily able to turn and find us because the odd words stick out more readily to them.
2) The Pitbull Inversion Effect- I’m sure there has been a time when you’ve heard a song featuring Latino rapper Pittbull around other people. Either in a car, at a club, or even when someone is singing the song because it’s stuck in their head. Invariably, when singing along, native English speakers know all of the English lyrics, but the moment Pittbull switches it up with some Spanish words. the singer can only sputter a few words and the rest turns into a jumble of unrolled r’s and vowels. The inverse happens here in Spain. So if you’re out a club shouting lyrics when everyone else is mumbling, chances are you’re American
2a) As long as we’re on the subjects of clubs… Having spent time in Europe before I already knew that they really can’t dance over here. Because of this all American dancers, no matter how well they can actually drop it like it’s hot, seem like Beyonce here. Therefore Americans can almost always be found towards the center of the dance floor, with the most eyes watching them.
3) Finding Safety and Comfort in Crosswalk Signals- As a rough guestimate, I’d say about a third of all intersections in Madrid have pedestrian crossing signals. When there is no signal, it is just assumed that cars will yield to pedestrians. Raised in a society that encourages everyone to look both ways without the green walking man, American’s will pause on the curb, lean way out to check for cars/alert them of someone crossing, and then wait until the car stops to go into the street. And they will also give a grateful wave and a nod to the car as they go past.
Interestingly, Spaniards seem to have as little comfort with crosswalk signals as we have without them. Americans know how to sense when the lights will change and will always be the first people to cross, without looking, when they’ve (officially) got the right away. Spaniards, however, will wait. Probably wanting to make sure the Green Man won’t suddenly turn red, inviting cars to hit the tricked J-walkers.
4) The Presence of Child-bearing Hips (or any hips)- Big-boned: I always used to smirk at this euphemistic phrase, but now that I’m in Spain I feel like it can have actual meaning. Relatively speaking, apparently any one from the Land of Free, Home of the Brave is big-boned. Everyone knows America is the most obese country in the world, but it would seem we also have different and larger frames. No Americans that I know here are overweight, yet when shopping we all have to buy larges, simply to get the seams to line up correctly on our shoulders and hips. Although I’m sure my height also gives me away (at 5’ 8” (no I still haven’t figured out what that is in centimeters) I tower over most of the population) I think it’s also the curves of my frame. Now if you know me dear readers, you are probably laughing. You’re aware of the fact that except for my rear, I have the body shape of a plank of wood. But compared to the slender ladies lilting around here, I’m a freaking Amazon with curves more dangerous than a Californian coastal road.
Note: This one can only be used to spot female Americans.
5) Crossing of the Arms- This was the first thing I noticed. I was waiting to cross the street (without a crossing signal) and noticed I was the only one around with their arms crossed. “Self,” I said, “this is odd.” Then I continued noticing it at other times: talking to people, sitting on the metro, standing anywhere. I was the only one crossing my arms. I asked other more Spanish-experienced Americans if they’d noticed this. They quickly informed me that here arm crossing is a sign of aggression. So while we cross our limbs out of habit, discomfort, or boredom, in Spain it’s kinda like… well like no gesture we really have, but it definitely signifies that you’re a little tee-ed off. However if you absolutely can’t keep your arms at your sides, one arm across the chest is acceptable.
6) Acknowledging the Existence of Non-neutral Colors- I read Cosmo, I know that this season earthy tones are in, but here that’s all they wear. Brown, black, grey, beige, camel, charcoal, taupe, dusty sand. I never knew there was another rainbow made up of such muted tones. If you throw in some purple, red, or heaven forbid a bright blue, they will know you’re an American.
K Learns Spanish: Lesson 6
podrir-to rot; podrido-rotten
calabaza- pumpkin
As in: La calabaza de Halloween ya esta podrida
(double word use bonus)
Note: This can also be used to refer to any yellow squash
ingresar- to deposit money
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